Internal Struggle

14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature[d]a slave to the law of sin.

These verses resonated with me so well today as I read them. Lately I have felt inadequate and worn in every aspect of my life. My body image issues have crept back into my life along with my glaring inadequacies regarding my study disciplines and quiet times with God. I have been consumed with the world these past two weeks, and it doesn’t feel good. It feels like I literally am a slave to sin and can’t do what I want to do and know what is right to do.

I believe I need to renew my mind to the desires of the Spirit, rather than the desires of the flesh. I need to spend time praying and reading the Bible, and less time catching up on new music and celebrity gossip. The world of celebrity is so enticing- everyone looks good and is so glamorous and beautiful. My first thought is “I want that”, my second thought is “I can never have that.” This leads into a spiral of jealousy, sadness, and comparison that does me no good. May the Lord give me strength in this weakness to see the beauty of His Love, Grace, and Mercy that far outshadows the most handsome/beautiful celebrity.

Lord, please help me to fix my eyes on You. Help my hard heart to be broken and molded and shaped to align with Your Will. Help me to ask to rely on the Holy Spirit everyday as I go about my life. Lord, you see my messed up sin. Amen.

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This entry was published on November 8, 2015 at 12:10 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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